


Blood Is Thicker Than Water

by caz251



Series: Creepy Kooky Spooky...Torchwood [12]
Category: Addams Family - All Media Types, Torchwood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-10
Updated: 2013-02-10
Packaged: 2017-11-28 20:35:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/678631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caz251/pseuds/caz251
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Addams family discuss Rhys’ choice of spouse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blood Is Thicker Than Water

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own The Addams Family or Torchwood, or anything associated with them.

The Addams family, minus the young children and Rhys and his wife, were gathered in the formal dining room of the Addams Estate. They were gathered to discuss the party the other night and their own evaluation of Gwen Cooper as a suitable wife for an Addams. Grandmamma Addams sat at the head of the table and led the meeting as her right as the Elder of the Addams. Grandmamma had decided that they would work their way around the table until everyone had said their piece.

Cousin It was the first to speak or rather squeak up, “She’s rude. She completely ignored What and I when we asked her how long Tharmus would be.”

Andronenkos laughed, “She probably didn’t understand you, not everyone can talk in squeaks cousin.”

That just made Cousin It more irate, he squeaked on about how she was not Addams enough to understand what the family said to her. He then went on to tell the rest of the family that Tharmus’ man, the pretty lady with the curlers and the corpse had all understood him and they had no binding ties to the family. Cousin It eventually gained agreement on that point, and Ianto and surprisingly Wednesday were rather pleased to hear about the others being able to understand Cousins It and What. He then squeaked on about how they hadn’t even had a proper Addams Marriage Ceremony, there had been no exchange of blood vows and she couldn’t be an Addams because of it, this point was agreed on straight away. An Addams was an Addams by blood, even if it was by blood marriage. The other things could all be overlooked if she was an Addams, but she just had a weak connection to the family, a connection thinner than water and therefore her flaws couldn’t be overlooked or corrected in the Addams way.  
Brenda, Rhys’ mam, then spoke up telling them of how Rhys hides what he is because of her, he still practices the things he was taught growing up, but apart from his food he keeps everything else hidden, like a shameful secret. This was unacceptable to the Addams family and started a fierce conversation about how the woman was ruining Aluka.

Trying to break some of the tension Thing knocked on the table to get the family’s attention, once he had the eyes of the family on him, he signed out a message to them, that they understood to mean, ‘She scares too easily.’ That caused a round of laughter, because while it wasn’t an admirable trait it was hilarious some of her reactions to things. Ianto and Andy both added in little anecdotes of her fleeing scenes in terror, much to the amusement of the other Addams.

Wednesday then decided to tell them of her thoughts, she started by explaining her meeting her and Aluka, she then told them how she found her to be ignorant and rude, how she didn’t listen to anything Wednesday said and she even ignored her husband. The others had noticed this as well and agreed with her, Andy adding that Gwen was self-centred and didn’t really care about anyone but herself. With this point the Addams seemed to get even more upset, how could an Addams choose a spouse that only cared for themselves and not for the family.

Morticia then added that even if she did care for someone else she hadn’t even tried to find out about the family, she came to a family gathering ignorant of the family and their culture. She also had a lack of respect for her elders, Morticia wouldn’t have minded the correction of her name if the young woman had been polite about it, but to almost yell at her fellow guests that they were saying her name wrong was impolite and bordering on downright offensive.

“She’s too normal.” Margaret spoke up, “There’s something about her that screams weird, she doesn’t fit in and don’t think she ever will. Did you see the looks she threw my son?”

Many agreed with Margaret’s sentiments, there was something terrifyingly normal about the woman. She had no identifying features or anything that made her stand out, quite frankly the woman was as plain as possibly could be. She didn’t even have any character traits that stood out to the Addams, she wasn’t brave or intelligent, she had nothing to offer the Addams family.

“She’s pathetic.” Pugsley put in, “I didn’t spend much time with her and I saw it, even Blossom noticed it, and while I may not have known her long she seems to be an excellent judge of character.” He said thinking about the weevil, he’d get to see her at the weekend, Jack and Ianto wanting to learn as much about the species as they could.

To the surprise of many Lurch was the next person to speak, complaining about her lack of respect for leadership and how she almost got her comrade Miss Tosh, he looked down at his hands not making eye contact with any of them as he said her name, hurt. This was agreed upon almost immediately Ianto and Andy providing other instances when she had not followed the chain of command.

Gomez coughed to get their attention as the group seemed to have got engrossed with picking apart the woman’s failings in various situations as described by Andy or Ianto. “Nothing I have heard so far endears her to me, but I’m afraid you have not heard the worst. I fear if she and Aluka ever have children they will not be raised as Addams should, she cares nothing for our traditions or our culture as many of you probably noticed. Her aversion to allowing children weapons would be another problem.” Gomez intoned, his voice taking on a mournful tone at the thought of an Addams raised out with the Addams traditions.

That caused a great deal of shouting about how if Aluka had children they would be raised as Addams, and no stupid woman would stand in the way. Rhiannon then pointed out how she seemed to think that she knew everything and about how she had interrupted Micah during her dagger juggling, something that was potentially dangerous, just because she thought she was right. The Addams’ just shook their heads as they thought about it, it was one thing having an opinion on something, but endangering an Addams, especially an Addams child was just not done.

“The woman isn’t even receptive to trying new things, she had one spoonful if that of my eye of newt and wouldn’t even have a cookie. How can we allow her to be the mother of an Addams if she won’t eat the food the children are served, she would be setting a bad example.” Grandmamma said from her place at the head of the table.

Johnny, Rhiannon’s husband, nodded, “I noticed that Grandmamma, she didn’t even try my homebrew.”

“Didn’t try your homebrew.” Fester repeated horrified, Johnny’s homebrew was legendary within the family and something that no-one would willingly live without. “It’s worse than I thought, normal, she’s not sane.”

The others nodded sagely, Ianto was about to speak when Fester started in on a rant, “That’s not all though, she interrupted my conversation with that delightful corpse, then tried to convince him that they needed to arrest us all.”

That statement caused a cacophony of noise each member of the family trying to voice their displeasure with the situation and the lack of manners that Aluka’s wife had. Grandmamma finally called for silence before giving her verdict on the situation, “I think we all agree,” she spoke, “that Aluka’s chosen wife is not a suitable candidate for an Addams, as such he will have to divorce her and find a proper spouse.”

The others agreed, but Ianto who hadn’t really said much throughout the meeting chose then to speak, “Grandmamma, you know that that isn’t going to happen. Rhys loves Gwen, he isn’t going to just give her up because the family doesn’t approve of her, he will fight the decision and we may lose him.”

The rest of the family that was gathered looked at him thoughtfully before conceding, knowing that he was right. “What do you suggest then?” Gomez questioned.

Ianto let out a small smirk, “Why we give her enough rope to hang herself of course. We show Rhys the true Gwen without appearing to do so, and wait until he realises all these things himself. He will see what the family sees and that he shouldn’t have married her, but the family will not be held accountable for his leaving her in the end.”

Ascent was murmured from different members of the family, Fester muttering about how he’d inherited his mothers’ brain. They had decided, they would leave things up to Fate, with just a little help from the family. Ianto let a smile cross his face ‘Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc ‘, he thought to himself, after all blood is thicker than water.


End file.
